It’s widely understood that, as leaders, we should seek out opportunities to praise, and yet it doesn’t seem to come naturally to most. We know we should do more of it, but because it requires effort and time to do it constructively (and we seemingly have so little time to spare) we don’t praise as often as we should. To that end, I want to offer a few thoughts that shine a light on the true value of praise, with a little science to encourage more of it, and a little guidance to make it more comfortable.
I am not alone in my shortcomings around giving and receiving praise. Early on in my career, my boss and mentor shared the same discomfort, so we agreed on our own charming protocol to get past this mental stumbling block. If either of us noticed that good work had been done, we would simply offer a short and sweet ‘well done’, always stated in a comedic, overtly British and, dare I say it, slightly pompous way. It wasn’t the perfect vehicle for recognition, but it was ours and it worked. It meant something to me, and to him I think, and it was also pretty efficient. Since then, I’ve read, and dug and pondered around the psychology of praise and criticism and I think I can offer something now that would have aided us both at the time. That said, if by the end of this article you’re not bought in, you can always stick with a simple ‘well done’ - it worked for us.
We struggle to offer and receive praise because we’re human and as such, even with the most confident individuals, self-doubt is part of our human condition with a nasty habit of arising now and then, especially in our interactions with others. The same anxieties, rooted in our use of comparisons, arise in our thoughts of how others will perceive us and how they will receive our words and actions. Our life narrative, invariably well-formed and cemented by our past experiences and formative years growing up, places a significant weight on praise and criticism because both directly hook into our measure of ourselves. Of course, there are huge evolutionary benefits of comparing, measuring, questioning - it’s at the very heart of what makes us human and intelligent - but when it runs away with itself, it can have some less than constructive outcomes.
For starters then, it’s worth considering what narratives you find yourself reinforcing as you desperately try to prove to yourself that the world is as you believe it to be, especially as it pertains to how you view yourself. I acknowledge that it’s entirely human to reinforce these narratives, but as thinking, intelligent beings, it’s also entirely human to choose to take time to direct our inquiry inwards, and with a little kindness and humility, try to better understand ourselves. Such personal inquiry is time well spent indeed.
Perhaps this all feels a little deep, so let’s lighten the load, perversely with a little science. Here’s a little extra objective fuel for the idea that praise can be one of the most valuable tools in business. Researchers studied how the rhythm of the heart responds to praise and criticism, as well as studying brain activity and blood flow around the brain. They found that less blood flows to the brain, particularly the cerebellum, when we are led to think critical thoughts; the opposite is true when we receive praise. Equally, the presence of appreciation encourages the patterns of the heart to gravitate toward more healthy norms. Appreciation then, stimulates our heart and brain to work better. As Nancy Kline states in describing appreciation as one of her ten components of a thinking environment, ‘Thinking needs blood, and blood needs appreciation’. What really blows my mind is the extension of this fact into our sleep. In assessing where in the brain the blood flows, they noticed an increased activation in the dorsal striatum, one of the main input areas for the basal ganglia and a reward center of the brain. The researchers suggest that, through activation in this area, praise whilst we’re awake improves learning that occurs during our sleep, a process referred to as skill consolidation. So, as your brain defragments and consolidates during sleep, the praise you received during the day enhances the process. Even when we’re asleep, praise makes us better!
the presence of appreciation encourages the patterns of the heart to gravitate toward more healthy norms
Most of the psychology research I read focussed on children, and more specifically, teaching and parenting. Now perhaps this is just my perspective, but I’m quietly confident that much of that research applies to adults as well. I mean, do any of us really grow up? Or do we just learn to mask and subdue our inner-child. Sometimes I’m not sure I do either! Regardless, this research helps to identify the right kind of praise; a focus on effort over traits. It’s a similar concept to avoiding labelling the individual, instead labelling the behaviour, and that’s all to do with identity. By praising, or indeed criticising the individual or their traits, we set people up for a fall. If we highlight that someone is incredibly talented, then they will inevitably seek to hold on to that identity. The bummer is, life throws at us things outside of our control. Sometimes, despite our supposedly phenomenal talent, the world conspires against us. The thing is, more often than not we don’t blame fate or the world. Self-doubt creeps in and we blame ourselves, and in the process, we start to question those who led us to believe we are something that we’re not, or so it appears to us through our own doubting lens. The magic of praising effort is that it can’t fall foul to this same thinking process. When we label effort and the world conspires against someone, our first assumption, being incredibly self-focused as we all are, is that we need to try harder and put more effort in, and that usually pans out rather well for everyone concerned.
Two other, ultimately somewhat related criteria for constructive praise are specificity and sincerity, which led me to ask whether we can draw a connection between appreciation and optimism, and transversely, criticism and cynicism. Positive psychology would certainly support that notion, but interestingly, so does the neuroscientific research. When the candidates were offered a statement of blind optimism, less brain activity was recorded in the reward centers of the brain, probably because it wasn’t believable. Statements that contained specificity and sincerity, described as ‘realistic optimism’, showed a demonstrable increase in brain activity. Amusingly then, can we conclude that as long as we keep our criticism insincere and broad, and our praise sincere and specific, we’re probably on the right track. Perhaps, but I’d throw a little humour in there for good measure.
Staying on the subject of sincerity, it strikes me that the balance between praise and criticism is a necessary factor for us to gain a sense of ‘buy-in’ or believability. Interestingly, in multiple psychological research papers, the same ratio arises. In one piece of research on top performing executive teams, they measured the ratio of supportive statements over critical ones. In the top performing teams, the ratio was typically 5:1. In low performing teams it was either far higher (where criticism was essentially non-existent) or it was lower, between 3:1 and 1:1. In another study on school children, they found the same ratio secured the best academic results. It seems then that this 5:1 ratio maps well to our self-doubting minds, creating a sense of believability and sincerity.
the balance between praise and criticism is a necessary factor for us to gain a sense of ‘buy-in’ or believability.
How else can you deliver on sincerity though, beyond just offering a well-balanced perspective? Close cousins of sincerity are genuine interest, or genuine care, and a powerful expression of both lies in our overt curiosity and the asking of questions. By doing so, we show that we want to know more; that we’re interested. This is amplified when we move to group dynamics. So far we’ve focussed on the giving and receiving of praise in a one to one situation, but that’s of course rarely the case. There are multiple egos, agendas, perspectives, pulls and drives in a team, and rarely do conversations that start privately remain that way in teams. This feels important to me if we’re to truly realise the value of praise within a work environment. We have to consider the effect on the wider team, and again, we’d be well-served in doing so by asking questions. Not only is sincerity implicit in the act of asking questions, but it’s an effective way of better understanding who’s effort warrants praise, and specifically why from a multitude of perspectives. Are they all united in their views? Almost certainly not, but taking the time to understand how people view where the effort and passion came from, and how it led to the business getting a result, is vital if we want to avoid our praise doing more harm than good. Acknowledging that the praise is subtly implicit in the act of questioning, we should take the time to ask questions of multiple members in our teams, and then pick the key moments and the key individuals to share more explicit expressions of appreciation.
Accepting the idea that we develop culture through action and example, and assuming we apply all of the above in our approach to leadership, then there’s one further thought that matters if we’re looking to cultivate a culture of praise. It’s something I haven’t touched on yet, but of course, praise ripples outwards. With a sort of business-like karma, our praise and our approach to praise ripples out with each and every interaction. Why not make that explicit? Once we’ve truly understood the efforts of the team, and praised one individual succinctly, specifically and sincerely, why not encourage them to take the time to do likewise. Bizarrely, self-doubt seems to work in our favour here, with an individuals’ own humility driving them to shirk a little of the praise and redirect it elsewhere. Hopefully, they’ll draw our attention to someone else who went the extra mile, and if we’ve done everything right, now it’s their opportunity to carry that ripple onwards and outwards, sharing the love as they go.
You’ll have probably noticed that I haven’t recommended a more structured or staged method of recognising individuals, and I think that’s quite deliberate. With all the ceremony, pomp and circumstance, awarding praise publicly probably fails the succinctness criteria, but more importantly, it just doesn’t feel like a platform to deliver on sincerity. That’s something to which one on one interactions are far better suited. And don’t worry - it will get out. People will hear. I’m quietly confident you can count on that.
With all the ceremony, pomp and circumstance, awarding praise publicly probably fails the succinctness criteria
I’m not sure I’ve entirely delivered on my promise to offer demonstrable evidence for the value of praise in an organisation. And by demonstrable, more explicitly I’m talking about profit and impact on the bottom line. Well, I certainly think it’s there. Productive praise drives people to think better, and better thinking leads to better decisions and more innovation, which invariably leads to greater commercial success. However, firstly I fear that such a focus would chip away at your sincerity quotient. More importantly though, for those that want to go there, I fear you may be coming at this from the wrong angle. On the whole people aren’t as motivated by money as you might think. If you’ve got your Purpose (with a capital P) ducks in a row, there’ll be something far more important to focus on, and ideally, clear measures to show how good thinking is getting you there. If your primary motivation to praise is one of financial return, then that very motivation is likely to undermine the act itself.
Regardless, more praise equals better thinking, better thinking means better decisions, and better decisions help us realise our dreams, whatever those dreams may be.
And you just got to the end of a longer than usual thought piece - Well Done!
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