I read back my past article on praise and appreciation, ‘The science behind “Well Done”, and found myself wanting more. If you haven’t read it before, I’d urge you to read it now. It puts forward a compelling case for taking the time to express appreciation, so I’ll try to be succinct here, such that you might take the time to read both, and ponder further and deeper on the act of gratitude.
Time seems to come up repeatedly when thinking about creating the best environment for thinking at our finest, and delivering appreciation that lands appears to take time. The argument I’ve put forward again and again pushes us to take more time and to slow down so that we might go faster; less haste, more speed.
I got excited then, when I read, and reread repeatedly, the Time to Think directive around the component of appreciation;
Appreciation: Noticing what is good, and saying it.
I think these words are beautifully succinct, and they implore us to take more time to notice, and then to have courage in expressing our appreciation. But when it comes to how we ensure it lands with the recipient, we’re not entirely in control. What is needed here is a little kindness and honesty, so let’s start with the latter.
I’m a good presenter. I can perform, and when the Time to Think environment demands that I deliver some specific, sincere and succinct words of appreciation, focusing on the qualities of the other individual, I believe I usually deliver. I do however find myself sometimes having to dig for it, with effort going into my delivery rather than the content.
Noticing what is good sadly seems to require more effort than it should for many of us. I place myself firmly in this group, but I don’t think I’m alone. So used are we to critiquing the world in pursuit of our own endeavors, we take a lot for granted. It has become harder for us to notice what is good. A team member presents to the group, and we first and foremost can’t help but observe the faults in their presentation. When asked to offer words of appreciation, we then struggle to draw out something sincere. That’s not because there is nothing to appreciate, but rather because we’ve failed to notice what’s good in the first place. So preoccupied with our own goals or anxieties are we that we fall out of the present, and simply don’t notice what is good in the now.
So preoccupied with our own goals or anxieties are we that we fall out of the present, and simply don’t notice what is good in the now.
There is a charming passage in Derren Brown’s book, ‘Happy’, where he talks about observing the curved handle of a hand-crafted milk jug, or a fallen leaf, and noticing the beauty in the seemingly mundane. By being mindful in the moment, we begin to notice what is good around us, and this clearly extends to noticing the good in others, such that we might then be able to express our appreciation sincerely, specifically and succinctly.
But mindfulness is a journey, and our assumed pressures of the world are constantly going to draw us away from the present and away from noticing what is good. We won’t notice all the good in everything, all the time, and so such sincere appreciation becomes elusive. But we should worry less. It’s human to not always be present in the moment, and so it is human too, to struggle to notice what is good in others and then express thanks in a way that lands every time.
The practice of mindfulness is firmly centered around helping us to be in the present, noticing what is good, but that practice is an endless one. There will be times where we don’t notice, and that’s OK. A little kindness and acknowledgement for the difficulty inherent in the challenge here will perversely serve us all the more to remain in the present. What’s more, even when we deliver our thanks specifically, succinctly and sincerely, having managed to remain present, and taken the time to truly notice what is good, our thanks may still not land. It takes both the giver and the receiver for the act of appreciation to play out, and though you may be fully present, the recipient may not.
Should that then compel us not to try? Surely not. The alternative is a harsh, oppressive, thought-prohibitive space. The more we can be present in the moment, noticing what is good and saying it, and actually not caring about how it lands, which is something quite out of our control, the better others' thinking will be around us. Equally, the freer they may become of the distractions of their own mind, all the more ready to receive and return appreciation accordingly.
Such highfalutin words for what ultimately boils down to slow down, be present in the moment, and in so doing, notice what is good, and say it. Once again, Nancy Kline comes up trumps!
Want to help your team notice what is good, and say it? Book a free 30-minute zoom session today.
Comments